Excite Bike

"Dude, keep your legs up!"
I was yelling at Patty, my english passenger. The important thing about being a mortorcycle passenger is to not, unless absolutely necessary, put your feet down. It may seem only natural, when the bike is slowing down, and centrifugal force is diminishing, to put down your feet. This is a mistake, as it throws to driver off balance. The role of a good motorcycle passenger is to be effectively, centered, dead weight.
The reason for my new found grasp of physics laid in our present situation. Having just come from the Naga Fireball viewing, we found ourselves in the midst of a massive, asian traffic snaffu.
the first half of our journey had been extremely pleasant. driving on the shoulder of the highway, during daylight hours, through farmers fields and with low, green mountains looming in the distance. but now, with thousands of thais attempting to get home along the same route as us, we found ourselves in an entirely different situation.
picture if you will, a four lane highway. usually two lanes for each dirrection of traffic. now picture single dirrection traffic blocking all four lanes. and the spaces between said traffic, a slow but steady stream of motorcycles, weaving back and forth between lanes, much like water following the path of least resistance. add to that the darkness of night, and the growing fatigue from paying massive attention, and that's where we were.
"Just keep them up, i can handle keeping us upright."
"Okay"
The one advantage of this colosal amount of cars and bikes is that there was no shortage of light, each one emmiting it's own foreward glow. and mixing with the taillights of the next car, it added a two tone quality, and lit up every detail of the playing field.
At some point we had lost all of our group, save for a french girl and her passenger. She was quite adept at riding a bike, and was keeping a very brisk pace. It took all my nerve to keep behind her.
After about an hour of this mayhem, we finally break free of the traffic, and are now able to pick up some speed, making sure to keep close to the shoulder, allowing the much faster cars to overtake us without comprimising our safety. The ubiquitous light had now dissapeared, leaving only the light from each passing car, and our own feable headlight.
Never the less, we still kept up our pace, still keeping behind the french girl. She, after all, was making excellent time.
Thai people sure know how to pack people into a vehicle. If it wasn't a family of four on a motorbike, it was a dozen or more crammed in the back of a pickup truck. and every one that passed us by errupted with a flurry of waving hands and a chorus of Hello!
strange how being a white man riding a motorcycle makes you suddenly a celebrity.
The longer we drove, the more comfortable i became. one thing was for sure, this was something that i was never going to forget.
As i gained confidence i began to overtake some of the slower traffic, pushing the little bike in excess of 85 kmh.
My passenger, who now grasped the concept of his position, just laughed and proclaimed "i love it!"
so do I, I thought to myself...so do I

Damn drunken Laoatians.

I had been drawn to Nhong Khai- a small city on the northeastern Thai/Laos border- for one reason, Naga Fireballs. legend has it that on the closing night of Bhuddist lent, coinciding with october full moon, Naga- the seven headed serpent god of wisdom- emerges from it's home beneath the muddy waters of the mekong river, and spouts brilliant pink fireballs into the air.
of course there has been much specualtion as to the actual cause of the phenomenon-drunken laos soldiers firing tracer rounds into the sky, methane gas drawn to the surface by the gravitational pull of the moon-and so on. but whatever the cause, it does actually happen. and i meant to see it.
I arrived in the city the day before the spectacle was to occur, having arrived by train overnight from Ayathuya, to find the city's guesthouses almost completely full. With a stroke of luck and a helpfull guesthouse employee i was able to secure a room. Now, i just had to figure out how to get to the festivities. appearantly the fireballs are only visible from certain vantage points along the meakong, and closest to nhong khai was about 70 kilometers to the east. after asking around and eliminating a couple of options, i found a group of travellers from a neighboring guesthouse who were planning to rent motocycles and travel to the town en-masse. i rented a motorcycle the following morning and met up with them at the guesthouse.
The trip will be another entry all it's own. let's just say that it was "exciting" to say the least. driving down the highway (on the left no less) with an englishman on the back of my rented motorbike is something i didn't think i would be doing earlier that day.
Pulling into our destination, i was struck by a familiar feeling. it was just like arriving in the parking lot of a country fair, or monster truck rally back in north america. there seemed to be an excited air floating about the temporary parking lots and hastily erected foodstalls. it occured to me at this point that even if i didn't end up seeing anything, that the trip was already well worth it. Our group made their way down to the riverside, which was already packed with thousands of thai people, who were sitting and talking excitedly amongst themselves on the concrete bleachers built into the side of the riverbed, i can only assume for this exact occasion.
we found ourselves a spot, spread out some mats, sat down and began to watch.
I didn't even know exactly what i was supposed to be looking for. i had read much about the fireballs, but never was there any exact discription. and the plethora of small fireworks being let off on both sides of the river only added to my confusion.
after about 30 minutes of waiting, i was having a conversation with patty (the englishman that i bore on the back of my motorcycle) when a huge cheer arose from the thais lining the bank of the river.
I wipped my head around to the dirrection they were pointing but to no avail. I was going to have to be more vigilent.
about 10 minutes after that i was watching a section of river to my left when the same cheer came up again. once again i had missed it. I was just getting frustrated when an old lady behind me tapped my on the back and pointed to the location that the first fireball had come from.
I guess there are fireball "hotspots."
so i began to diligently watch the area where she had pointed. and sure enough, about 10 minutes later, a bright pink ball-no bigger than a baseball-leaving a pink trail behind it- rose quickly and silently into the air. silently that is, except for the thousands of thais and one canadian who saw it, yelling and pointing.
Over the course of the next few hours, i saw about 12 or so fireballs, and with each one my excitement- along with the mystery - began to fade. they did, in fact, all come from the same place, and from my vantage point, they all seemed to be coming from beyond the trees on the opposite side of the river. (although, someone who had seen from a different village, informed me that she saw them rise out of the water.) but they looked more and more to me, like a bigger version of a roman candle.
The thai's didn't seem to care though, emitting the same cheer and excited laughter with each one. and then it dawned on me.
This was visual proof of their religion. The closest that westerners get to this is waking up on christmas morning and seeing that the cookies and milk have dissapeared. That, or the hokey televangelists on sunday morning T.V.
The Thai people revel in this spectacle and even if it isn't guaranteed to be genuine they still flock from miles around just to be a part of it.
And as i gathered up my things and prepared for the long journey back, i found myself grateful for the chance to even form my own opinion.

late night impromptu swim

It was my first night in Ayuthaya and i was sitting at an open-air cafe on the main street of the backpacker district. exhausted from the 4 hour non-air conditioned bus ride from Kanchanaburi, i thought i would take it easy and just have a drink. I had met two people from Los Angeles and we were sitting around a picnic-style table next to the road playing cards; a modified version of go fish with a drinking clause attached to each turn.
i was drunk.
it had not been my intention to become drunk, but Brooke and Brian had spent the last few days trekking around to different temples, museums, and just being generally touristy, and decided to take a night off and make an event of it. So be it.
Suddenly, i had the urge to use the internet. So i stood up, stated my intentions, and strolled across the street to the guest house on the other side.
The main level of Tony's place is a large, open, multileveled patio, complete with hammocks, dark wooded, heavy furniture, and pools containing carp. Over the next few days i would spend a fair amount of time here; laying in a hammock reading, eating, and taking advantage of the row of coin-operated computer terminals, which was my goal at the moment.
i sat down at a computer with my back to the outer wall, inserted a coin and went about my business. I wrote an email to Leanna and was relieved the next day to see that it was actually quite coherent.
at some point during my computer usage, the lights on the patio were turned out. Closing time.
But because there is no actual door to the street, the computers remain accessible all night. However, had i wanted a sandwich, i would have been shit out of luck. Fortunately this was not the case. (i digress)
The coin box beside the monitor beeped at me, signaling that my time was almost up. Satisfied that i had no further business to conduct, i stood up to leave.
i moved slowly, trying not to bump into anything, feeling my way for the main path that leads to the street. My vision was impaired, partly due to the darkness (obvious, idiot) but mostly due to the 20 minutes of sitting in front of a blazing computer screen.
but i was almost out. i found what appeared to be stairs leading to the main path. confident that i was headed the right way, i picked up the pace, bounding down the stairs in my usual fashion. as i reached the bottom step, i noticed that it was dark and looked strange. but it was too late. My foot left the last stair and the other prepared for the ground contact that would never come.
I suddenly found myself waist deep in water, having slammed my right knee and hand into the concrete that formed the outer edge of the carp pool. upon contact i let out an involuntary, and more than slightly audible "FUCK!!"
As i clambered out of the pool i noticed a figure standing in the middle of the corridor leading to the bathroom in the back. I can only imagine her shock, and amusement, as i limped, soaking wet and cursing into the street.

violated in traffic..

i was on my rented scooter. now this is the way to get around i thought. complete freedom to move about the city of kanchanaburi, zipping along city streets, speeding down back country lanes. fantastic.
but what this? up ahead on the main street. looks like a road block. my first thought is that this has something to do with the car bomb that exploded in bangkok this morning, but i instantly dismiss it. as the line moves slowly foreward, i can now make out police officers talking to each vehicle as it arrives at the front of the line. i'm a little nervous, but without cause i tell myself. after all i'm merely renting this scooter, and i was smart enough to bring my driver's licensce with me. i don't even reach the front of the line. as soon as i am spotted i am called off to the side of the road.
a stalky thai officer comes over to me. he's all smiles as he removes his aviators.
"driver licensce please" he says , still smilling.
i hand it over.
he scrutinises it, scans it for the proper information
"dri-ver's li-cense" he says slowly, pointing to each sylable. (that's right buddy! you got it.)
"you rent?" he asks me, guesturing towards the bike.
"yeah, i rent" i reply.
he begins to look around the bike, and just as i think he's finished he suddenly sees something that catches his eye.
"uh-oh" he says pionting to a sticker on the side of the scooter.
he says something to one of the other officers in thai who comes over. they both stand examining the sticker. i'm close to shitting my pants.
"is there a problem?" i ask.
he gives me the -one minute- signal.
him and his partner continue to speak in thai. then they begin to laugh.
he looks at me "this sticker expire" (you've got to be shitting me.)
i shrug "i only rent" i said, trying to keep my language as simple as possible to avoid missunderstanding.
he points to the sticker "see? May."
"100 baht" he says to me, with the return of the shit eating grin.
i'm going to kill the lady that rented me this.
"fine" i say. i go and pay the ticket, a copy of which is given to me. of course, except for my name it's all in thai.
"should i continue to drive?" i ask
"sure!" he says "where you go?"
"cave temple"
"cave temple. 2 kilometer" he points in the direction i was heading. thanks.
he continues looking at me for a minute.
"no problem?" he asks. there is a problem, but the image of thai prison pops into my head and my judgement gets the better of me.
"no problem" i nod at him and get on my scooter and take off down the street, feeling a little tender in the rear end.

bangkok exodos

i'm well aware that i didn't write anything about my time in bangkok. this has just about as much to do with my laziness as my distaste for bangkok. don't get me wrong, it was definitely an experience and in no way was it all bad. but one can only take so much of taxi drivers taking you to completely different places halfway across the city in their own interest. or of constant harassment by "helpful" locals. (i just want to walk around..is that not alright?) or of having crappy souvenirs shoved in your face while your trying to eat or have a drink.
so i gave it a shot, and bangkok was not for me. i can see why meatheads, douchbags, and just generally those looking more for a party than a genuine experience would be content to remain on kho sahn road and drink themselves to oblivion. but that's not why i came here.
so i grabbed a train to the small city of kanchanaburi in the province of the same name. i made it to the train station only spending about 7 baht. just for a reference, one canadian dollar is worth roughly 30 thai baht.
after waiting an hour i boarded the train, and was delighted to find myself to be the only foreign face aboard. the trip afforded me my first view of the thai countryside. which was not at all what i expected. most of the way was completely flat and was peppered with little villages that consisted of nothing more than a series of shacks and shantys. all of which were made with corugated steel siding. it seems to me that the living conditions of the average thai family is rather slummy. however, nearly all of these shacks had either a fleet of motorcycles or one or two expensive cars under protective sheets parked next to them. so it can be ruled out that they live in poverty.
i suppose in a climate such as this one, one does not require much of a home.
it also seems that thais are always burning something. every two or three minutes the train would pass through a thick column of greasy smoke, usually originating from a fire started on the opposite track, or just inside a group of shacks.
about 20 minutes away from our destination the train stopped and stayed that way for about a half an hour. the heat was vicious, i stepped outside to try and escape it, but there was no respite. while i was outside a few thai girls from the next car waved at me "hello you!" they said nearly in chorus. when i waved back they started giggling amongst themselves...thai girls love the beard.
shortly after the train began to move, and we entered into an area that much more resembled the thai countryside that i had imagined. rolling green hills with rice patties occupying the valleys between them with people stooped over throughout them, working.
a rail worker walking the length of the car stopped when he saw me.
"where you go?" he asked me.
"kanchanaburi."
"you get off. next stop. five minutes."
I had already studied a map of the town, and had decided that the backpackers district was within walking distance. upon leaving the station i only had to wave off one tuk tuk driver, and he wasn't very persistent.
an improvement already.
i got a little lost, and after realizing that the street lined with scooter dealerships and garages was not where i wanted to be, i turned around and found my guesthouse fairly quickly.
i wish i could properly express how beautiful this place was. right on the river, the opposite bank all rich green foliage with a background of green mountains. the rooms were all huts made from bamboo and grass roofs. there were even a few more expensive rooms on floating barges off the river bank. the restaurant hung over the side of the bank, basically on posts, and from the bamboo tables was the best view of the river kwai, and at night you could sit and watch the thunder storms roll in from the horizon.
i should also mention that this city had some significance durring WWII, and there's a fantastic museum dedicated to all the POW's who were worked to death to construct a railway through to burma and the infamous bridge on the river kwai (nicknamed death railway). the Japanese army had hoped to expand the war into burma and india, and this was how they attempted to accomplish that.
i've now spent two days exploring the museums, and the countryside aboard a rented moped. but i'll have to come back later in my trip, because soon i have bigger fish to fry. mainly the northern thai border and laos. tomorrow will be my last day and i have a large dillema.
do i go to see the gorgeous seven tierd erwan waterfalls. or do i go to the tiger temple where they let you pet full grown tigers and play with tiger cubs. either way i'll have to come back for whichever i don't do tomorrow. i love cats, but i also really fancy a swim.
shit.

arrival...

I've always found it erie, descending into a new city at nightime. as the plane angles down for final approach, all that i can do is sit and try to imagine the city that is rising up towards us under the murky blackness.
i feel great, i've slept the entire flight and am more than ready for the task at hand; get into the city and find a place to sleep. as the lights from the city become brighter, i try to pick out any kind of identifiable markings - some evidence that i have, in fact, arrived in south east asia. as far as i know, i could be anywhere.
the plane touched down with no difficulty. (big ugly bastard) i'm up and out of my seat the second that we stop.
Now this is what i call an aiport, puts tokyo to shame. high vaulted ceilings and long corridors of artwork. i lazily strolled along, listening to some music, taking in all the details. i wasn't in any particular hurry, after all i'd be here for six weeks.
the walk to the luggage claim had to have been about 10 minutes, and i'm sure that it didn't help that i was strutting along in a dazed but euphoric fashion. when i arrived at the luggage belt i began scanning for my bag, then realized that it was dirrectly in front of me. thankfull for the stroke of luck, i bend down and scoop it up, throw it on and head for the exit. on the way a woman asks if i need a taxi. "how much to kho sahn road" i ask her. "950 baht" she replied, it was all i could do not to laugh at her. "i'll keep looking" i said as i walked past her.
i push through the door to the street, and feel the humidity for the first time. like being slapped in the face with a hot, wet t-shirt. "that's going to take some getting used to" i thought, and started searching for a cab.
a group of people on the other side of the ramp were waving and calling to me, i ignored them and walked down a little ways. no way were they getting me that easy, although the second time it happened my curiosity got the better of me, "how much to kho sahn?"
"400 baht"
much better. i nodded in agreement and proceded to follow the guy from the other side of the metal gate. we walked for a good 500 feet, each on one side of the get, walking in silence. once i got to the gate he began with the questions.
"where you from?"
"canada."
"vancouver? montreal?"
"toronto."
"welcome to thailand"
"thank you"
"how long you stay in bangkok?"
"couple of days, but i'm in thailand for 6 weeks"
"ahhh, long time"
"...."
"i do tattoo's"
"okay"
"i give you my number?"
"no thanks"
with that he pointed to a cab with an open trunk, i put my large pack in the trunk, taking my day pack with all my most important stuff with me. trust no one.
a different man came to the side of the cab and crouched down near my open door with a clipboard.
"so where you go?"
"kho sahn road. i was told 400 baht."
he nodded.
"bangkok big city. lots traffic. take long time. you pay 100 baht to take highway. quicker."
"no, i don't mind the long way."
"okay okay, you tip my driver 100 baht"
"fine"
"you going to kho sahn road, you going to smoke?"
"maybe"
"you want me to help?"
"no"
"ahhh...okay" he then said a few things to the driver in thai and closed the door.
he drove the whole way into the city on the highway. i was proud of myself, managing to avoid two scams already. the tip for the driver i didn't mind, it was only 3 bucks anyway.
me and the driver exchanged a few words along the way. he had practiced his idle chitchat well, because when i asked him if it was indeed the very end of the rainy season he said that he didn't understand english. fine with me. i was happy to simply stare out the window at the city streaming past, curious about what i'd discover once i began exploring beyond the wall of low buildings that lined the highway.

Where you go?

"Where are you headed sir?"
Standing in pearson international aiport, i had just been wondering the same thing myself. The words i heard myself mumbling; "tokyo, connecting to bangkok" weren't much help. This is what i had been saying for the last six months. The airport attendant just smiled and guestured to the longest line starting at the end of the row of kiosks.
I was later than i had intended, and saw my hopes of obtaining a window seat destroyed by the simple act of missing the first bus to the airport.
as i reached the end of the line, another attendant grabbed my arm and whisked me halfway down the line, opended the seatbelt-like barrier and asked me to step through.
"i have to get this flight finished" she said. "everyone needs to be checked in when the plane arrives"
great, i though, i'm one of the last ones.
Standing in line with my bags digging into my shoulders, i was extremely irritated. early morings never agreed with me, and the chorus of crying infants did nothing to help my state of mind, except to prove my theory that babies don't like airports. that makes me a baby i suppose.
after checking my bag, obtaining my boarding pass, and going through security, i went around the various airport shops searching for some deodarant. I stank. I didn't like the idea of stinking out the person sitting next to me for 12 hours, and after finding no sign of any kind of pit stick, i opted to spray my armpits with sample colonge from the duty free shop. satisfied with my resourcefullness, i went to exchange some money, then sat down to wait for my flight.
It was over an hour late. hurry up and wait. like always.

12 hours, 4 movies, 4 beers, half a book, and 10 minutes of sleep later, we landed in tokyo. I was informed that i had 20 minutes to make my conecting flight (thank you air canada)
Tokyo's narita airport had all the interior charm of a community college, right down to the standard folding tables which made up the security counter. so much for space aged tokyo.
as i approached my gate i caught my first glimps of the plane that was to carry me to bangkok.
although i'm not sure, due to my extreme fatigue and confusion, i think i must have giggled out loud. parked at the gate was a boeing 747 decked out in huge purple stripes running the length of the plane and gigantic, flamboyant gold lettering proclaming "thai airways" and what i can only assume was the same in thai beneath it.
the interior of the plane was even better, with my first experience of the general thai sketchyness.
the plane had to be at least 30 years old, and the rickety nature of it should have worried me at least a little bit, but i was so tired that instead i took a giddy sort of glee towards it.
the seats were the same royal purple as the outside of the plane, and each one came with a matching purple blanket and pillow.
i sat down in my seat and watched the plane slowly fill up, but only to about half, and observed with great relief that the two seats next to me were unoccupied.
i slept the whole way to bangkok like a baby, stretched across three seats, wrapped up in my purple blanket, with my head resting on two purple pillows.